the incredible journey to the centre of the earth.......

amazed ??? astounded ??? interesting ???
thought I'd write a spin off on Jules Verne's classic???? or worse plagiarise.....??? naaw....don't be so protective of thy opinion.....u thought im gonna write about a fantastic dreamy journey in the sci-fi genre...alien warships,meat guzzlin monsterz, blood thirsty pirates .......didn't ya???

you're wrong and right......im gonna write about an amazing journey......but definitely not to THE CENTER OF THE EARTH......[that is just advertising...]...

Now i'm kinda hoping that you've read me earlier posts bout the glittering wedding ceremony we attended[Nag's didi...]....you did not????? go on....read em.....










After the sumptous feast we were treated to at Nag's jiju's....we decided to make haste and start our packin for the impending arduous journey.Nonchalant chatter and expert[!] discussion on Gautam Gambhir's batting technique echoed all over the room [heck we know his weaknesses more than Zaheer Khan ever did !!.....IPL brings so much of discussion doesn't it??].In the din nobody noticed that Gani's went from a "wheatish complexion' to "anaemic pale".....and suddenly there was a monstrous sound....a sound so wretched that the devil would have cringed....it went like "BBBBYYYAAAASASASDAFSFSGSGFGGHJKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK"........The fear of werewolves and all creatures made us turn and we saw that Gani was vomiting....water.....oh me gudness!!!....he was Dehydrated...severely....and looked in extremely poor shape...

Unwilling to take chances we ran outside and searched for pharmacies and in a jog covered more than half of the sleepy lil town dat Tadipatri is.....and not a single pharmacy was open...!!!! poor Gani ...he had a terrible time...as sinking a feeling as Sourav Ganguly had when Chappelgate started.Appreciate his cooperative nature.Dehydration and stomach aches notwithstandin we left for the station,got ourselves tickets and started for hyderabad.

Train journeys are experiences that somehow seem to store in indelible memory folder in my brain.I seem to remember each n every train journey i've made.The rocking,the bunks,the vendors,the seemingly unlimited chai n coffees[well as kids those were the only times we were allowed to drink tea n coffee]the holiday mood,the meals packed in tiffin carriers,the card games,the incessant chatter....

Unfortunately our journey back home was not a journey we would associate with the pleasurable childhood "meri pehli rail yatra" essay we would write as hindi assignment.Twas mates,faaaaaar from it......but it was a memory to remember....

As I've mentioned already poor ol Gani had the water sucked outta him by the much less than august weather of good ol Tadipatri.And there he was retchin n throwin out water at every jerk n movement he experienced.Even my vile n zany self felt a tinge of guilt at that poignant sight.

Unsure n hapless at the same time we got ready to barge into the general compartment.As the train came rushing in....we felt that incredible hulk came barging towards the station in all his "I SMASH AAARRRRRRRRGGGH" mood morphed into a snake thingy.....and then we realised that the platform was at a level much much lower....heck it did not qualify to be a platform !!! it was more like a pavement in monda market[....non existent !!!!....].The incredible train hulk snake stopped and we knew twas to be for a 40 second period or so....

The general compartments are located at two positions...one near the engine and one just in fronta the end....the strategy we made was simple.....chaaaarge....and grab the empty seats....and look out for the otherz.....but as if loki the god of mischief was havin a field day n ganesha thought this was a good joke to be played on us......THE COMPARTMENT WE TARGETTED[in the rear] WAS FULLLLLL !!!!!! More like the pepsi bottle which is filled,shaken and stirred and ready to explode.....when opened......overflowin like water does when u fill a tea cup with water from the pipe of a fire brigade engine.....overflowing like the rice which our mummies packed in tiffin boxes for lunch at skool.........

Urz truly threw caution to the gale and jumped in runnin full speed .....and barged in the compartment probably crushin at least 7 people and 15 feet and 30 toes........[make no mistake im a heavyweight]....naturally the reaction was a mixture of disgust,pain,exasperation and haplessness[it was like a rhino jumpin on blackbucks..!!! dunno bout the rhino....but they def were blackbucky...].On enterin i found to my horror that another session of hatha yoga was in store......[u knw standin on un foot....elbows tucked in.....].I frantically searched for an empty space and for fresh air[my head was bobbing up n down like a Hawaiian doll] as the crowds came rushing into the compartment.

Finally i spotted an empty space....and there was a lot of pleasant emptiness about it.But it had a catch to it like a reliance offer on a real estate deal.The space was in front of the bathroom !!! Which stank like a ....well bathroom....But who cares.....u cannot be an alpha lion in a water buffalo stampede can you??So off to the passage in front of the bathroom i went and unintentionally kicked an old man's shin in the process.I apologised n was met with a incisor-less toothy grin...i did give him back a smile as mischievous as a poltergeist[i get dat naturally].And he offered me a cigarette n his grin went from cheek to cheek....wow...really nice of him......but being the non-smoker n responsible citizen[its an offense to smoke in trains]i politely declined.His grin faded as dirt and grime disappears when you was clothes with surf !!As if he were seeking revenge n makin a VENGEANCE IS MINE statement he blew the smoke towards me for the next hour or so !!The bathroom door had a cycle parked on it at approximately a seventy degree angle....and i decided to make lemonades from the lemon dat life had thrown at my feet and i sat down on the seat of the bicycle.Apparently i was not the only resident smart ass.......some others also wantd to squeeze the juice outta the lemon at least......and they sat down on the handle,the h.rod etc and CO2 levels in the small passage rose dangerously makin my brain melt into a plasma state......Suddenly the bathroom door in front opened[it did take effort coz a fat guy was leanin n sleepin against it] and the lil light bulb in my head flickered on.I looked out from my vantage point to see if i could spot any of my mates n the closest to me was VATS[short for vatsyayana....dont ask !!].

"yo Vats..." i bellowed
"wat??" he shouted back
"come here" i said
"wat???r u kooky"
"nay mate....got some space...."
"oye dats the bathroom passage"
"arey just come here smarty pants"
"but.....it is the bathroom space mate !!!"
"aarey....raa be"

and he came.....squeezed through actually,kickin the old man again...was offered a cig...refused...got smoked at...and squeezed again,

"wats the plan?" he said
"open the bathroom door behind us"i whispered in his ear
"WAAATTTTTT???? u flipped?????"
"open it sloth......dont shout" i rasped

the door opened...the bathroom was empty and pretty much clean....maybe because of the cycle.....

the others got up of the cycle assumin i wud take a call in the toilet n i jumped in the bathroom.....and took the cycle in with me !!!!!
then i asked Vats to jump in quickly and he understood quckly enough and took the leap in
to others' amazement i arranged the cycle from a corner to another.....and both of us sat on the cycle[i wonder who was the owner] inside the BATHROOM !!!!!!
You must be wunderin wat we did for ventilation.....simple...we became romans in rome and Vats opened the window which was a vertically slidin one and took out the glass shutter and presto !! we had an air conditioned bathroom in the general compartment.....

and hour must have passed when the monophonic nino rota composition went off again....

i picked up the fone and answered

[hyderabadi urdu]

"hello?"
"yo ZaNy....tis me Ritk"
"bolo ustaad...tum train chade yaaro??"
"hau...aapki dua se chadhe.....hau baat suno "
"bolo ustaad"
"Arey main utar gaya yaaro..."
"Kab miyan????"
"are baat suno"
"hau bolo..."
"woh howlepan ki station aayi na....jahaan gaadi das minute ruki..."
"hau..."
"wahan main aur tiger utarke pehle compartment ku bhaage"
"waisa.....chade fir????"
"hau....kirrkirri...yahaan poori compartment khaali hai ji...tum logaa aa jao..."
"zarrurat nai hai ustaad main a/c main baithke hoo.....[and i told him of the cycle thingy]"
"arey...aa jao bhai...paap bichaaro ku bhi leke aao"
"theek hai re bhai....aayinge gootty me utaringe"
"ok....gimme a call"


[those of you who did not understand.....well too bad]


and i told Vats of the new plan.Initially he resisted but gave in eventually.I gave a call to Emp and the otherz n asked em to get down at Gooty.The response was affirmative....maybe because they had too much of their hatha yogic positions !!

Gooty cam an hour n fifteen minz after we left tadipatri.It was a supposed junction n we assumed the train would halt for at least 5 mins.We got down...all of us did....and we ran......ran like maurice greene....ran like ato boldon.....ran like tim montgomery.....ran like asafa powell.....sprinted like usain bolt......!!!!!!
Vats n Upps ran first...they ran more like two fellows chased by mad dogs....and they had the lead for quite a time......until they were really chased by dogs !!!!
yes...they were chased by a gang of rowdy dogs....if the situation had not been desperate it wud've HILLLARIOUS to the hillll......and Upps and Vats were pretty much aware that they were playin tag wid a group of dogs.

picture this.....
-two guyz runnin.....increasin their pace in the fear that they'll miss the train
-7 dogs runnin behind them......increasin their pace in jest n sheer fun to catch their target
-the guyz slowin down aware that they're bein chased....
-the dogs slow down assumin its a game.....
-the guyz....terrified run like gazelle chased by lioness
-the dogs sprint assummin they're the predatorz chasin gazelles....

-few wacko guys[me included]joggin along behind....half laafffin and half joggin....

[i could have sworn i actually saw one of the drain water colored dogs was smilin n jeerin...]

Anyway we reached our compartment and got in very easily as there were no overflowin people.....half angry at ourselves and half grateful.....and we laid Gani to rest on one of the benches[boy he was in a bad shape] and settled ourselves in the remainin seats or in the passageway....on the floors.Ritk n i decided to stand for sometime and aggravate a few passengers....
We assumed that since the train came down from chennai all must be hindi illiterate madrasis[dats racist].We spotted a gal sittin right across us....and started to make some really rude comments in our lingo like

"kya dekhrrein une yaaro."
"nakko dekho bolo ji"
"are....tumharku dekhri bhai....tum pasand aa gaye...kya baat hai...baat karaun usse"
"kaiku toh bhi....kaisi hai dekh dikhne me....kaali bhasand !!"
"hau.....dekhke lagraa jaise......jaise kaali bhasand"
"are...gussa horee yaaro....samajh me aara honga unku shayad..."
"are madrasiyo ka compartment hai miyan....unku kya samajh me aata????"

and the next moment she began to speak in fluent hindi with her lil bro !!!! .....

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh........I had never dropped a bigger clanger in my life.........

and i was not visible near dat gal for the rest of the journey again...!!!!

the rest of the journey back home was uneventful.....

and at 9am we descended from the train [Kachiguda again] and headed our separate ways to spend the summer in some semblance of peace.......