THE A-Z OF M.B.B.S

A for ANATOMY-
there are subjects....there are difficulties in subjects...there are difficult subjects....and theres anatomy.ladies and gents, in the world of M.B.B.S, nightmares are a very commonly observed phenomenon.

the aetiology of this psychological disturbance lies mostly with the patient [the med student] obstinately refusing corrective therapy.....[in this case...DAILY STUDIES.....].this is a pathonocturna seen twice in the periods known as FIRST M.B.B.S & FINAL M.B.B.S.

well.....i've seen the muscular,the rugged,the tough crying for their mums and their blankies the nights before the anatomy exams !!!!!

it is the most essential subject in medicine and the most jealous as well......


B for BATCH-
which batch ???


now this is a question asked by everybody in a medical college....right from ur scary bullying seniors....unassuming juniors....office peons...clerks....professors....hospital guards even !!!!

the significance changes with each questioner.so does the intention.it may be a casual inquiry, a ragging jibe, a rivalry, an intention to empty money, an intention to fail[!!]....



C for CLINICAL POSTING-

the clinical posting is the most important part of medical studies.sadly it turns out that it is also the part where the turn out is as strong as that in a bangladesh-zimbabwe test held at uppal stadium,hyderabad.

it is the place [in a govt hosp at least...] where people [lay people !!] make u feel like a doctor....yeah we are addressed as "doctor saab"....

oh you powerful ego-nauseating feeling of narcissism !! the very feeling which makes you wanna swing an apron and a steth over your shoulders everyday.......


D for DISSECTION[HALL]-

have you read midnight's children??? where the protagonist's nose behaves like wolverine ?? well if saleem sinai were lead into anatomy department's dissection hall....he'd be .....saleem "no nose only eye" !!!!

the formalin reek......the black cadavers with their arms outstretched.....the scalpel....the forceps.....the professor shoutin "DISSECT !!".....the sight of "aproned" students running blade on dead skin like school children running their pens on books dictated notes.....the clutching of dead skin followed by systematic peeling....the swooning of few ladies[and the rush of their boyfriends]....the rotting of fat....the reek !!!!!!


E for EASY.....MBBS is easy !!!...hahahahahhaa......

that was a joke....i have a deadly sense of humour u see.....


F for FAIL/FINAL YEAR..... !!!!!-

why do i put em together u ask me?....well....

anatomy maketh men cry mbbs first
passing the stage maketh us hail
final one leaveth men in thirst
many a macho man here doth fail !!!!

its simple.....final year is remembered as the stage which makes simon pures out of razor roadies....

u have 4 clinical subjects to study, all of which are rather essential for a career, which can cause upsetting symptoms like.....nightmares....depression....psychosis....multiple personality.... if u don't study !!!


G for GIRLS-

girls are good, just like a gun
girls in mbbs, just wanna have fun

they wake up early, rise n shine
on time to posting,that is so fine !!

they are sincere, they are smart
they finish what we guys hate to start

never seen enjoyin, never seen at play
they hang about in the library, june and may !!

professors favor them, each n every one
while we're called barbaric like vikings n hun !!!

they honey trap guys, bears become teddys
they marry others, spurnd be devdas ready

girls are good, just like a gun
girls in mbbs, just wanna have fun


H for H.O.Ds[heads of departments...]-

they are people you should positively respect.....because not only are they oceans of knowledge.......but....but....just read this.....

once four med students partied[...yeah....we like to have fun too.... loony !!.....] and how !!
they started partyin 3 days b4 the xams started n were in a hangover durin the xam.....and so they slept....

they went to the HOD of the department and requested him for allowing em to write the xam later stating that they met with an accident the day b4 the xam where the car,in which they were travellin, had a tyre bursted.....

the HOD allowed the four to write the xam three days thereafter....and on the day of the xam made em sit in 4 separate rooms....the paper had only one question...

WHICH TYRE WAS IT ??
1-front right
2-front left
3-rear right
4-rear left


.......phew......[btw....this is a forwarded text message.........]


I for INTERNSHIP-

It is the part of m.b.b.s where you perfect the skills of the trade you learn in 5 years.the duration is a year....it rotatory.......sometimes threats are bombarded to the meds that 1 more year of rural service may be added.....which,of course is followed by threats of strikes for pay hikes....but that is not the point.

Internship is where you are officially a doctor[ parapara.....dhan dhan dhan....drums.....saxophone...??? get it ???... :-|]...Dr.Zany for instance.....it is the period where you [probably] earn your first rupee.[Not to sound deflating but they don't exactly roll in our money....on the contrary sometimes they're paid a months stipend after 3 months !!!!....then they strike again.....]

It is also the period when you exactly get a taste of the social life of a doctor......

Every week, a day is charted as "duty day" when the intern puts in 36 hrs non stop.......and sleeps the next 8........

Its no ego satiating experience dear readers.......its a combination of learning.....and duty....and stress.....and happiness....



J for JUNIORS-

Once a junior...always a junior......

<-the following are the laws taught in ragging->

-always pay your obsequience to a person from your senior batches......
-the senior is right....NO MATTER WHAT......
-memorise the above two.....carefully......


K for KHAANA-

Khaana means food.Im sure that theres a law in medical colleges saying that hostel food shall tasteth like grubby slime.....irrespective of change in form,size,shape, color or texture the taste shall never change.

We were fed a member of the family FABACEAE for 8 meals in a week once....and later we came to know that those beans also are handy in manufacturing soap.....[so the conclusion made was that we were fed soap !!!].....yes, our expressions werte mortified to say the least....

But the interesting thing is that the hostel mess shall never cease to exist....inspite of the fact that many refuse to pay the bill....and have dues running in tens of thousands....because....because....DIVINE INTERVENTION ????
....

M for MEDICINE[....gen medicine...or internal medicine...]

anatomy maketh the tuff cry
medicine maketh them pee
studying it hard u try
it shall set thee free

non limerickaly [new word !! new word !!!] put........it is the subject which encompasses all of medicine.....all of it !!!!

[anatomy ....physiology....pathology....pharmacology....everything.....]

and be warned....the examiners have a right to ask the student anything....or everything [ if ur unlucky ]........in the examination....

pass medicine.....u have an ability to pass anything in life......


N for NIGHT-OUT

"night out isnt an experience......it is a state of mind.....

that state which rounds up jagged edges of a doctor......which acts as a stepping stone for future exercises....

that state where the body,mind and soul become one......and surge ahead to DOCVAANA....[doctors nirvaana....new word !! new word again.....]...."


BULLSHIT............night outs are not cool.....[not if they are be4 an exam......].....they are aetiological for hairloss, nightmares, peptic ulcers.....and what not !!!!!


so....study well throughout the year is the ideal.....yeah yeah !!! ideal gas bags are unattainable.....


O for OWLISH

.........is what your eyes will become after a night out.....red,swollen,teary......and big....


P for PHYSIOLOGY/PATHOLOGY


the subjects whose perfection alongwith anatomy shall practically make a doctor out of a qwack.....

also...they give anatomy like nightmares......


R for RAGGING....

somebody said that ragging is rampant in engineering colleges.....

SOMEBODY HAS NO FREAKING IDEA what he talks about.........

picture this.....

a boy is outnumbered 10 to 1.....hes completely alien in an environment.....he knows nobody around....he cant trust anybody.....has not made many friends as yet.....and knows not moles nor dogs among his kin

enter the dragons....the seniors.....he gotta salute every damn senior u see.......it dont matter whether hes a 6 feet tall wrestler.....he just gotta salute !!!!

the first lesson of ragging.....the special salute.......every college has one....[ONE]

he gotta catch his crotch with one hand......salute wid the other.....and jump !!!!......and ensure that his heels hit his buttocks with each jump.....

now that was not that hard was it???

by the end of the year he shall have sit in desk drawers[ yes], sat on upright tubelights and wrong side of upright cricket stumps......he shall have made mistresses of walls having posters of semi clad heroines.....he shall have played air cricket in his underwear......he shall have spent many a night in the parapets in his underwear.......he shall have pretended to be schwarzennegers twin[....and shall have stripped in the display....].....he shall have danced kajra re in a saree made of a blanket........[or mere angane me....].......he shall have danced with 50 people in underwear.......

but in the end.....he becomes a tough senior.....ready to rag the FRESH JUNIORZ........

and shall have found father figures/elder brother/best friends in his seniors..........

:)


S for SURGERY

the first surgeries u observe are always special.......quite exhilarating actually.....from the moment u watch u watch the surgeons scrubbing.....the anesthetic showing their effect....the incision.......the cut....the stitch.......the post op spic n span......

i opine that surgery....is very much an art.....a surgeons steady hand is as much a chisel....as much a brush......it is the hand through which god operates....it is the surgeons steady mind that can pioneer a new start.....


T for the TRIP

by what i mean is that which [mainly] the students make in the second mbbs....the most relaxed part of medicine studies......

http://picasaweb.google.com/ankitsanyal/PulseAZANYtoonzPresentation#


U for UNIVERSITY EXAMINATION...[wat else....unicorn ???]-

it is that time of the year where.... razor roadies....become simon pures.......[refer final year....night outs....to get it]


V for VIVA....

.....remember

ur examiner is god.....



he/she has written the eleven commandments......yes it is eleven......the examiner sez so......



going against him/her shall curse you to a fate that could make samson n hercules cry................




W for WATER-

the necessity of line.....which is rare in a hostel......

very often u see guys in the mens hostel clad in towels....carrying buckets.....and toothbrushes foaming in their mouths.....moving about confused.....from tap to tank.....to borewell.....to tubewell....to hand pump......to latrines......


X for XTREME....XTASY....XYLOPHONE

\m/..............


Y for YOU PASSED !!!!!!-

main bola na yaaro.....main mast mazzaak kartu....suney ??? isku boltey joke of the year.....

u get to hear this nonsense during results..........


.
Z for ZaNy.....DOCTOR ZaNy.....